The Scars We Bare
by bitterberries
Summary: She had scars that were waiting to be healed.


**title:** the scars we bare  
**rating:** M (light smut)  
**pairing:** jerza  
**disclaimer:** I do not own fairy tail.  
**notes:** one of my longer fics (3k)

**summary:** She had scars that were waiting to be healed.

* * *

Erza Scarlet had scars.

And it seemed to her that her entire world was built upon the moments that gave them to her.

They scathed her being, physically and emotionally, like unwanted tattoos, like words that weren't intended to be heard —like _a requiem_ conducted for a loved one that would follow a person forever. They were the type of scars that wouldn't fade away— neither at one's own volition, and neither with time. They were permanent.

But _he_ was always another story.

He was one of those scars.

In fact, he was also the reason for majority of them.

Yet, when he had come back into her life, instead of thecountless insomnia filled nights, she found herself counting up the full onesof sleep. She found those scars he'd given her healing, and found her mind forgetting. Even though they didn't leave her in a literal sense, Erza lived in content, knowing that he would always be there to hold her strongly in his arms at night, and that he wouldn't leave her side anymore.

It was only when Jellal started taking up more missions, that she'd begun tallying up the sleepless nights all over again.

"Do you really have to go?"

He groaned. "Unfortunately."

"How long is the mission?" She asked from their lazy position onthe carpet, shifting her eyesight to the clock above the fireplace. He would be leaving with Crime Sorciere soon.

"I can't say," he sighed. His lips drifted over her stomach. "But I promise to come back as soon as possible."

Erza let the words settle into her brain as her hand driftedinto his hair. It was the mere fact that it felt like a lie, because _soon_ wasn't a good enough word. She watched as Jellal laid his cheek, warm and loving as it was in all of its smooth stubble, on her belly,and then gazed as he brought the hand that was once on his hair, to his lips.

"I'll try to write to you every day," he murmured into her fingers.

_Try._

Her mind zoned in on that one word.

"Where is it again?" Erza asked, even though she already knew.

"Just along the mountainsides."

"What will you be doing?"

He paused for a brief moment. "Chasing a new dark guild," he said, sitting up to look down at her. His hand didn't leave hers. "Is something wrong?"

"Why do you ask?"

He squeezed her palm, eyes narrowing, brows bunching together. "You've asked that over six times today."

"…Did I now?"

_Yes. There is something wrong._

"You did…Erza?"

With a frown, she unlaced her fingers from his, moving her hand across her stomach.

"What's wrong?" Jellal asked.

Erza stilled before sitting up with him. She bit the inside of her cheek as she sorted carefully for the right words. Sounding selfish was the last thing she wanted.

"It's nothing."

"Are you sure it's—"

"Just promise me you'll be safe," she told him. He stayed put and stared at her. The disappointment was obvious; she tried to hide it, but Jellal wasn't a former wizard saint for nothing. From the one corner of her mouth that was pulled up more than the other, from the brows that were very faintly furrowed –it wasn't supposed to be noticeable but she knew he saw the crease in her forehead anyways, he made it difficult to hide anything.

With a sudden pout in her lips and a faint blush over her cheeks, she dropped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, falling and molding into his immediate, and affectionate embrace. She regretted it instantly. He was warm and cozy, and it made everything _that much_ harder.

They stayed like that for ages, all eyes shut while her head rested against his shoulder. He craned his neck a bit to the side so he was able to bury his lips and nose into her hair. Slow breaths, comforted by the sweetness of her natural scent, wandered in and out of his nostrils while one of his hands rubbed up and down her back.

She shuffled against him. "Hey, you didn't answer me."

"What?" He raised a brow.

"Promise me you'll be safe."

"Of course."

Erza grunted quietly. "You have to say the words!"

"Oh lovely and powerful Titania, I solemnly swear to you my overall safety, and especially my safe return back home," he chuckled. She giggled -not laugh but _giggled_ at his goofy manner, and the cute sound was enough to reel them both into a hug of pleasant laughter. When she playfully hit him and tugged on his hair, he feigned his pain and tried to hold the melodramatic hurt in his expression, but he was laughing so much that it didn't work in the slightest.

She pinched, and he smiled.

He tickled, and she cried for mercy.

She hugged, and he couldn't breathe.

A few wrestles later, his cloak was thrown across the room, and he was pinned to the ground beneath.

So the both of them just _gazed._

Her loose red hair cascaded past her shoulders and curtained over him, the space between their faces thickening with heat. Blood pulsed heavily through her veins. Erza leaned downwards, wanting nothing more than to press her lips against his, her heart thumping upon seeing his face inching up towards her.

And then they kissed.

They both fell back down to the carpet anyways, one on top of the other, and as their lips grazed softly with each other it was like all of the resolve they had previously seemed to disappear like the firewood smoke billowing out of the chimney of their small cottage. She never understood how he was capable of reducing her from a hard shelled woman to a warm _puddle_ within mere seconds; there was a deep seated stir of pleasure that pulled at her core, and it merely increased when his hands began to move above her sides, efficiently taking away all the strength inside of her and only allowing her lips to move as he held her.

It was perfect, the moment was perfect, everything was all just so incredibly perfect and _to_ _hell with air, _if anything was going to take her breath away, it was him.

Erza gasped against his mouth. "I love you, Jellal."

Jellal pulled away and let a hand wander within her hair. A smile danced across his lips. "I love you, Erza."

Her face mirrored his, and she experienced relief and elatedness for that very brief moment, right until—

"You should know that you're making it _very hard_ for me to leave right now."

Her eyes glistened with worry when he sighed.

"Are you going now?" Erza snuggled into the crook of his neck as she awaited his answer.

"If I don't, they'll probably send somebody back, and it's better if I save them that trouble," Jellal mumbled. He smiled down at her. "It's only going to be for a few weeks, love."

After a single knowing huff later, she broke free of his hold and stood up, allowing him to do the same and to go fetch his cloak that had flown away from them in the midst of things.

"I know," Erza muttered. She crossed her arms and shifted her gaze away. Even in her fleece pajamas, she already started to feel different; that jubilant warmth was gone, and the farther he moved across the room from her, the more bitter her temperature became.

Once he returned to her side, he pecked her on one of her cheeks, and they hugged again for a bit longer. Their feet were planted to the ground, and it was usually at this point in time that Erza would typically give in and try to savor the moment, but tonight, she didn't.

His arms were big, strong and soothing, but hers were small, fragile and _loosening_. It scared her; she knew that if she didn't hold onto him strongly enough, he'd escape her grasp and he'd disappear again, leaving her in questions.

"I'll miss you," he murmured.

"Y-yeah... I'll miss you too."

A long necessary kiss later, Jellal's arms were no longer around her, and although it took some time for her to pry herself away, her arms reluctantly returned to her sides. Erza stared at his shuffling figure. He slipped on his thick brown boots with ease, pulled his hood over his head, and just like that, he was in front of the door, _ready. _

Her heart hammered over any other sound in the room.

_I should be used to this already. This is completely normal._

But her thoughts were the opposite of her actions.

She counted.

**_One._**

Jellal cleared his throat. "…I guess… I'll be on my way then."

* * *

_"This is the first time I've left you to go on a mission. Will you be okay?"_

_"Jellal, I know how to take care of myself. I'll be just fine, like always."_

_"Okay, I know, I know."_

_"Of course you do."_

_"...I'll miss you."_

_"I'll miss you more."_

* * *

Unable to answer, Erza simply nodded in agreement, pain etched in her sigh. She rubbed a hand up and down her arm, and allowed whatever remained of her composure to slip in with her attempt of a smile.

**_Two._**

He waved one of his palms in the air beside his face, and in response, she sent back the gesture eagerly. She was fighting with herself. While a part of her begged him to stay, a part solicited for him to just depart already.

Smoothing over his clothes, he reached for the knob.

* * *

_"Sorry I woke you up. But I have to leave right now."_

_"Hm? I thought you were going later on in the evening?"_

_"The guild we're chasing is quick on their feet. We have to leave as soon as possible, and Erik's waiting outside. I'm sorry, I know you wanted to spend some time together before I left."_

_"Oh... t-that's okay. I'm glad you woke me up then. Be safe, I love you."_

_"I love you too."_

* * *

Erza felt her heel trying to dig through the ground.

How many missions had he been on in the last two months?

How many times did he have to _say goodbye? _

How many times _did he leave_?

How many times did the _old wounds_ reopen?

**_Three._**

"Do you remember it?"

She looked down, bangs hovering over her eyes, lips beginning to tremble.

_Promise me._

Jellal paused, ears picking up on her small voice. "Did you say something?"

* * *

_"Another one? But you're still recovering from your last request. I don't want you getting injured anymore than you already are."_

_"It's nothing too bad. Don't worry about me, love."_

* * *

When she looked up, the tears had already gathered at the corners. She opened her mouth, suddenly wanting to tell him about the nightmares (from the nights before, and the ones she'll have tonight), before her lips menacingly clamped together again.

Blushing, she shook her head and lied.

**_Four._**

"Bye then, Jellal."

He flashed that same downhearted smirk. "Bye."

* * *

_"I hate it when you leave..."_

_"Yeah… Me too."_

* * *

She needed to be strong. To have faith. Hope.

He surely wouldn't break his promise.

He wouldn't.

He'd never.

**…_Five._**

But it seemed that doubt would always be a natural impediment.

* * *

_"Crocus? You didn't mention Crocus."_

_"Erza...I'm sorry... but-"_

_"It's okay. I know."_

* * *

Before she even realized what she was doing, her fists clenched, and without another thought in the world, she walked right over the imaginary string of deteriorating strength pooling at her legs and gave in.

Erza lunged.

* * *

"_I'll miss you."_

_"Y-Yeah... I'll miss you too."_

* * *

"Will you love me tomorrow?"

Besides her breathing, that was the only thing he heard as soon as he grabbed the doorknob. His eyes were wide when she spoke into his coat; her voice was muffled, but she shut her eyes and buried her face deeper into his back anyways, heart picking up in pace as she pressed him again in that same soft tone.

"Erza… what are you—"

"Just answer the question."

Jellal made a move to turn, but she only squeezed his torso harder.

"You're not going anywhere until you tell me," she said. "You're not."

He closed his eyes and tried to wedge his fingers between her grip.

"...Answer me."

"Will you let me look at you, Erza?"

"..."

"I didn't want to have to do this." Jellal pried her arms away from his torso and faced her, forehead creasing with concern. There she was, the magnificent and fearless Titania, crumbling before him. Jellal smoothed his thumb over the corner of her eyes and she suddenly glared at him, angling her gaze from his.

"...Will you?"

Emotion bubbling within her stomach and pouring out through her voice, Erza felt her tears spill over, and she sagged forward, not wanting him to see anymore of her grief stricken expression.

"Hey..."

"Don't _hey_ me," she spat, nails clawing into his chest, lips contorting into a slackening grimace as she finally fused with unadulterated, pent up frustration. "...Don't _do _that, when you have no idea what's going on!"

He was silent.

Weak fists came to pound against him, and she continued on, brokenly. "That's why I made you promise... that's why I asked you that… You don't know how it feels to always watch the person you love just _leave _all the time! Do you know how much it hurts to _constantly_ have to watch you walk away, to repeatedly have to look at _your back_?"

"Erza, I-"

"Why did it have to be like this…"

She knew it was mainly her fault for not saying anything in the first place, but fighting with him was never on her list. Maybe if she had talked with him from the start of things, where it wasn't as bad as it was now, it wouldn't have resulted like this at all, and maybe it would have been a simple and easy resolve.

But then again, they were always _complex._

This wasn't just about him leaving for missions.

It was about everything—from the morning he'd cast her away from that tower, the moment she thought she lost him to Etherion, the day the magic council came to arrest him, and the split second he'd comforted her on that river bank- to now.

She experienced warmth her as his arms came to wrap around her, and she shuddered, coughing from the soreness of her shouts. She puffed out a shaky breath before simply leaning into him.

Erza bit her lip, tears ruthlessly brimming her eyes.

"_How do I know if you're coming back at all?_"

There it was. She felt him move then, his fingers suddenly running softly through her long red tresses, and hands trailing down to pull her face away from his chest.

Their eyes met for just a brief second.

With an urgent lift of her chin, he kissed her.

He was warm.

"You're right."

He admitted it against her lips stupidly, closing his lids and dropping his forehead on hers, while Erza shifted, pure brown eyes widening with confusion, lips still sensitive from his touch.

He chuckled wryly. "Why didn't you...tell me?"

"…How could I—"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he chanted, bringing her closer to his form. All thoughts flew from her mind when he dipped in again, his navy hood slipping from his head. Erza flushed, heat emanating from her face as the calloused tips of his fingers caressed her jaw and slid up to wipe away any remaining tears. Before she knew it, the door was only a blurry figure in the distance, and soon it wasn't visible at all.

"What are y-you doing?" She asked.

Her heart swelled at his answer. "I'm not leaving here knowing you feel this way."

In the darkness of the bedroom, she then locked her arms around his neck tightly, uninterested in letting go, and slowly released from his lips to catch her breath, a low sigh escaping her in the process. Something wild pulsed through her veins. She felt dizzy, as if she was in a state of haze, but it was a good kind of dizzy.

He pushed back the rogue strands of red hair from her face and played with it a bit as he did, twirling it lightly before tucking it behind her flushed ears. She couldn't put into words of how _nice_ it felt when his hand brushed a little over her cheek, calloused skin tickling her face, immense warmth settling into the spot.

"The mission..." She breathed.

"It can wait," he whispered, settling himself between her legs once they crashed onto the surface of the bed. "It's okay."

"But-"

"-Erza, love," he cut off once more, his soft voice bittersweet in her ears . "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry. I love you, and it's okay."

Erza whimpered at his words, gasping when his mouth moved to her neck.

Their clothing peeled off one after the other - first was his boots, cloak, and his shirt stripped away in one easy go of a single strong arm. Next was his trousers, soon following was his underwear, and hers came off all at once.

While she clung hopelessly onto his toned body, she cupped his cheeks as she met his lips again in a languid kiss. A low, baritone groan ripped from Jellal's throat and vibrated from his mouth when her tongue slowly started tracing the rim of his lips. His hand pressed against her thigh, barely moist but _hot _fingers lazily trailing up and down the side of her.

That's when he closed in on her again, melding his hot mouth with hers and placing his other hand on the side of her hip. She grasped the cool sheets around her, biting her lip and releasing an airy moan of anticipation when he progressed downwards and kissed the middle of her stomach.

"I'm sorry that I hurt you," Jellal whispered, voice thick with emotion. "I'm sorry that I've been making you feel like this."

She sniffed. "Jellal, I—"

"I _will love you tomorrow_," he murmured, cutting her off. His thumb caressed her stomach in random patterns.

Short, straight lines.

Long, zig zags.

Erza choked up at the instant realization of what he was doing.

He kissed one, marked patch of skin. "And I'll love you every hour in that day..."

In that instant, the world seemed to slow down to a stop. There were no words. There was absolutely nothing else in the room that could divert her attention. There was only him, and the two of them, skin brushing against skin.

His lips found another jagged line. "Every day in that week..."

One after another, Jellal kissed and streaked every discoloration in sight, taking his time to slide his tongue against each one, sucking and biting hard enough to conceal every individual flaw with a purple bruise.

His voice tightened. She held onto his blue hair, a wild plethora of emotions rocking away at her body.

"And every month in that year—"

Seeing the water leaking down her neck, Jellal moved, his breath burning against her skin as his mouth drifted upwards. She rasped for air, feeling his lips against her pulse point and his tongue slipping across the fresh line of her tears.

"And every year in that decade—"

His mouth then found her forehead as he finally plunged into her heat. His hands gripped her hips, and Erza trembled against him, moaning into his collarbone. He felt so good inside her, as he stretched her tight muscles and gifted her increasing comfort and pleasure with every shaky stroke-

"I promise..."

When he stopped, Erza lifted her head, and she blinked once, twice, for clarity. His watery gaze fell onto hers.

"I promise, that no matter what happens, I'll love you with everything that I have, for as long as I live. I'll make sure to come home to you every time. I'll stay alive for you. Let these bruises be proof. So yes," he paused just for a brief second so he could mold his lips against hers. "I will love you tomorrow."

And it might have been the way he said it (full of honesty, and filled with the same depth of love she held for him) that completely erased any doubt from her mind. It was as clear as the tears falling from their eyes.

Just as he had given her those scars, he would be the one to take away the bad memories that came along with them.

"Erza."

The only thing she was able to say after that was his name.

* * *

**.**

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**note:** HAHAHAHHAHA idk i have no idea if any of his made sense i'm sorry

like always this was posted on my tumblr first, so if you want more recent updates, go ahead and check it out

please leave reviews? thank you!


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